TRIB TALK

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Jim Robertson, managing editor

"If you are going to take ‘For Better or For Worse’ out of the newspaper, out of the comics section, I would suggest you replace it with either ‘Stone Soup,’ ‘Arlo and Janice’ or ‘Sally Forth.’ I only read five of the comics on those pages right now anyway. I really don’t care for most of them."

"I’m calling in regard to the comics. And one that you definitely should not get rid of is ‘Brevity.’ Us higher intelligence readers all really, really enjoy the satire of ‘Brevity.’ "

"I wasn’t going to comment until I saw in Trib Talk tonight that somebody wanted to or suggested that you drop ‘Pickles.’ Please do not drop ‘Pickles,’ or for that matter the ‘Lockhorns.’ And you might even consider adding the daily ‘Lockhorns.’ Anyone who’s been married for over 40 years knows that the guys who write those two strips have also been married, probably to the same woman for over 40 years. And they’re right on the mark more often than any of us want to admit, and we often laugh at them hilariously. So you might consider your older readership as you think about which comics to drop."

"We just have to call about the comics. I know they’re the most important part of the newspaper. I don’t know who likes ‘Mutts’ or who likes ‘Rose is Rose.’ We do not. You can get rid of those. Suggestions for new strips would be ‘Fox Trott’ and ‘Pearls Before Swine.’ You can get rid of ‘For Better or For Worse.’ No one will miss it."

"I’m calling in regard to the high-speed chase that our poor Columbia police officers had to do the other day. This was in Friday night’s paper, and they had to chase this fool, and he was going up to 80 mph and then jumped out of the car with a gun and ran. I am just thankful that that fool did not shoot our police officers. They put their lives out there for our safety, and then fools like this have to try and hurt them. I am just thankful that our officers that did this high-speed chase were not hurt. Our officers are doing a good job."

"I was calling concerning the percent increase in property tax for the Columbia public school district. And if they’re short those funds now, then my question is how are they going to fund the teachers and the daily operations of two new elementary schools and one new high school? If they don’t have the funds now and don’t have the reserves, then it looks to me like the Columbia residents are in for some major, major tax increase to support the Columbia Public School system."

"I’m calling in regard to the caller who is calling a certain individual who called Trib Talk a clown because he was complaining about people not picking up newspapers out of their driveway. First of all, this individual, his comments to the so-called clown - this individual seems to be holding in a lot of anger and hatred toward fellow people. Second, it hasn’t been slick all year; it’s only been slick for the last week or so. And third, you said if we want them gone so bad, we can pick them up ourselves. Since you are using such wonderful language, it just makes your damn home look damn ugly and you just must be damn lazy. That’s what your neighbors and probably the people who live around you think of you. So we’re sick and tired of watching your damn yard make our damn property look like damn rundown neighborhoods. So get off your damn butt and pick up the damn papers."

"When is the media going to drop the euphemisms surrounding the description of waterboarding? Waterboarding might be described as the sensation of drowning, but this really does not do justice to the technique. In simple terms, the victim is asphyxiated by water. This distinguishes it from drowning, where water fills the lungs. Waterboarding is not intended to kill; the victim’s torso is elevated above his head to prevent his lungs from filling with water. This improves the probability of resuscitation so the interrogation may continue. I wish the media would call it what it is: torture."

"Come on, people, we have to stop this crazy woman who wants our city street speed limits to be 25 mph. Why, you can ride a bicycle that fast. Wait a minute; I think I’m beginning to understand."

"I don’t like going to the Mizzou Arena because it feels like a death trap. It feels like when you walk into those tiny little aisles that if something happened, nobody could get out of there because it’s single file going out of those little tiny walkways."

"I can’t believe Hank Waters said we should wait until we see more evidence of the smoking that hurts people and their establishments in their restaurants. I can’t believe that. We’ve got lots of evidence that smoking is bad for you and that secondhand smoke is bad for you. I enjoy going to the restaurants now with no smoke. I’m sorry it has dropped profits, but it’s probably related to the economy and not the smoking ban."

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